One of the games I remember really clearly from my childhood was a barrel of monkeys. I remember the feeling of trying to hook each monkey and how it became more and more difficult the longer the chain became. In trying to save money I took on a challenge to eat what I had. That hooked the next monkey of dealing with meal planning, which joined to the issues around eating out, which dealt with emotional eating (though I still maintain that 90% of my eating is emotional), which hit the anxiety triggers and eating response, perfectionism, healthy eating and healthy living. Whoo. I’m exhausted and there are still monkeys in the barrel. Who knew that a surplus of chickpeas and chicken thighs would set off such a chain reaction?
One of the areas that was lacking in my life was exercise. I’ve spent the last two years bouncing between different surgeries and finally I’ve started getting out. This weekend my son and I tried out the Sepentine Fen. It is only about 4 kilometers but it felt like a whole new place of freedom.
Not only was I outside enjoying a windy, semi cloudy fall day but I felt no pressure to stop for a treat on the way home. One of my eating out triggers is, well, being out. I realized I didn’t need to hit the drive through. I didn’t feel panicky or ripped off. There was nothing at the store that was a need. My wallet stayed closed that day and I just felt grateful. Constant spending is a prison.
There are still a lot of stressors like a tax audit, and four other sets of paperwork that require obscure bits of info. originally scribed on papyrus, but I don’t need to deal with it by medicating with food, at least for today.
Today I am free to celebrate having enough.
Spending for Saturday = 0 Benefits = priceless.